Does your child hate school? Let's make this different together.

Starts Tonight!

Join Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, live TONIGHT for her ONLINE "Beyond Consequences Classroom" course. Come as a guest to this first class. That's right, there is no charge to be a full participant in this beginning session! Click here to find out more.


5 Weeks of LIVE Support
Tuesdays: January 27 - February 24, 2015

Each of the 90 minute classes with meet at the following times on Tuesdays and you'll have a chance to ask YOUR questions each session:

Times:
                    9:00 p.m. Eastern
                    8:00 p.m. Central
                    7:00 p.m. Mountain
                    6:00 p.m. Pacific

Each Class is Recorded.

After each session, you will receive a link to download the MP3 recording of the live session. So if the times above are not convenient, you will never have to miss a session completely. Just download the recording and you will have all the information to listen to at your convenience. This also means you can build your library of resources and add each session to be able to have in the future.

This course will focus on the following school issues:

• How to Smooth School-Related Transitions
  
  
• How to Reduce Homework Battles
  
  
• What Yelling Does to a Child's Nervous System
  
  
• How to Create an IEP That Helps a Child Regulate
  
  
• What it Takes to Build the Parent/Teacher Relationship
  
  
• What Being Flexible Means Rather Than Being Rigid
  
  
• How to Awaken a Child's Internal Sense of Motivation
  
  
• Why Reactive Responses Create More Negativity
  
  
• How to Break the Negative Cycle in the Classroom
  
  
• How to Support Teachers Effectively
  
  
• How to Make the Playground a Positive Experience
  
  
• What is Driving a Child's Negative Behaviors
  
  
• How to Create the Beyond Consequences Classroom
  
  
• Why to Replace Time-Outs with Time-Ins
  
  
• Why External Controls Are Ineffective
  
  
• How to Engage a Resistant Child in Relationship
  
  
• Why Emotional Safety Increases Academic Success
  
  
• How to Close the Gap in Social Skills Deficits
  
  
• What Awakens a Child's Internal Control System
  
  
• How to Create Emotional Safety in the Classroom
  
  
• How Teachers Can De-Escalate Behaviors Immediately
  
  
• How to Effectively Replace Punishment with the Relationship
  

Heather's most recent book, Help for Billy will be the guide for this course and will bring this book to life. 

Register and Receive "Two-For-One"

If you decide to register for the entire class, the registration fee includes two people for the price of one. You and another support person (teacher, principal, guidance counselor, aide, husband, wife, partner, co-parent) will receive all five instructional sessions of LIVE interactive webinar training! This means if you are in two separate locations, you each will be able to log into all the sessions from different computers. This gives your child the abilitiy to have the people in his/her life working from the same framework to ensure the very best academic year. Click here to register for the entire 5-week class.

Take Action the Second Half of this School Year

Don't just "hope for the best" this second half of the school year for your child. There is a huge lack of understanding in how our children think, how they interprete the world, and how easily they collapse in the face of fear in the school environment. Take active measures to make this second half of the year successful.

Click HERE to sign up for tonight's complimentary first session.

When the File Cabinet Drawer Won't Open

		Q: My daughter, Gina, is 15 years old (adopted at 2 ½ with the first years of her life being very traumatic). She gets so frustrated with herself when she can't remember the instructions her soccer coach gives her (and her coach gets very frustrated with her as well). When Gina gets stressed out, she simply cannot process the information or store the information in her brain properly. I think if my daughter were to understand herself better, she could cope better during moments of stress. Would you be willing to write a letter to her directly that would explain what is going on because I know she could listen to it from you, instead of me (her mom!). Thank you.
Dear Gina: Early childhood experiences (when you're a baby and/or toddler) of trauma can affect you much later on in life (like when you're 15 years old or older) in many different areas. One of the most prominent areas is in your ability to handle stressful situations. When you face stress from teachers, coaches, your parent(s), and other adults who have expectations of you, it can be as if your brain turns into a cobweb. The ability to process and store new information is reduced and hindered. Here are few facts to remember to help you understand yourself: When you are stressed out, your brain cannot store new information. Your brain's ability to process information (old or new) is compromised (limited) when you're stressed. Stress causes confused and distorted thinking. You just can't think clearly. It becomes very difficult to recall information you learned recently. It is as if you're standing in front of a file cabinet and there are documents in the file cabinet, but you can't access them because the file cabinet is locked. When stressed, your brain goes back to old patterns. It is like a plane that is being operated by a pilot (you) when suddenly the "autopilot" switch gets turned on and you have no control. You go into autopilot and every decision is based on old information and old patterns. Rigid thinking becomes the dominant thinking. You are not able to be flexible. Answers have to be "yes" or "no," there is no "maybe." Things are either "wonderful" or "horrible," there is no "it's just okay." Things have to be done "now" not "later." In other words, there is a great sense of urgency...NOW! Your brain cannot process language when stressed. Adult instructions are confusing and they sound more like the Charlie Brown teacher. The problem is that most adults don't realize this so they only get frustrated with you and they think you are ignoring them, when you're not. When stressed out, your body can get overwhelmed and take over in very reactive ways: freezing up, shutting down, hitting others, screaming, yelling, throwing objects, throwing up, getting sick, and more. To keep this from stopping you from being the best you want to be, there are some things that can be done, but they do take work. Here are some suggestions: When feeling stressed, work to get yourself regulated. Make a list of what works for you. Some of these might be deep breaths, mantras (like saying to yourself, "I'm okay and I've always been okay."), pictures of your family (anything visual), or a special item like a rock or a charm (something that you can touch). Be creative and make a list to help you remember when you get stressed next time. When you are starting to get stressed and the person with you is getting frustrated, simply say, "I need a few minutes to process this. Thank you." Before going to an event that could be stressful (like a soccer game or taking a test), take a few moments to stop and relax beforehand. Walk into the event as calm and regulated as possible to start. If there is anyway for the person who is helping you or teaching you to draw out the instructions, instead of just verbally telling you, this would be extremely helpful. Your brain can most likely take in visual information better than verbal information. Ahead of time, let people know you have a, "High Sensitivity to Stress." This simply means you get easily stressed out and you may need a few more breaks to get re-regulated. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Practice. Practice. Practice. It might take your brain longer than some of your friends to retain the information. This does NOT mean you're stupid. This only means your brain needs more time to put things "in the file cabinet" (your brain). When you do get stressed, be sure to allow yourself to process through all the big feelings once you're in a safe place (like at home with a parent). You have to safely let go of all the stress so it doesn't get locked up in your body. Sometimes just a good cry is what you need and it can be a wonderful release! Simply being aware of how your brain works along with being mindful can be a big step in changing all of this. This is the most important tip: You have to love yourself and stop judging yourself as a "bad" person or a "dumb" person or a "worthless" person (or any other negative beliefs you may have going on in your head). This issue of how your brain processes and retains information is not about who you are as a person. You're living a journey of trauma recovery and it is a gift in many ways...it is keeping you intuitive, aware, connected, emotionally intelligent, and much more! Acceptance of who you are is the key. Press on,
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW Parent and Author of Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control: Volume 1 & Volume 2, Dare to Love, and Help for Billy.

Do you have an emotional hurricane plan in place?

Living in Florida has its challenges during the months of August, September, and October. This year is no exception. Hurricane Fay (actually she never really made it to be a real hurricane) was like a house guest who wouldn’t leave. She hovered around the edge of Florida and the Atlantic for several days, just picking up the water and dumping it on us.

The first week of school was interrupted—each day was a guess as to whether or not my children would be home for the day or embarking on their next academic year. Monday, school was in session. Tuesday, school was closed. Wednesday was on for one child but off for the other child. Thursday, school was back on and then Friday, off again. I’m fairly confident nothing was accomplished this first week!

Friday I was on a phone coaching call with a client and realized as I watched the rain and wind from my office window that just as we have a hurricane action plan in my house, so do we as parents need to have an internal hurricane action plan. Prior to a hurricane threat, I check off my list to make sure we have working flashlights, water, non-perishable food, and the like. Likewise, there are several items that each of us needs to have in place to weather the storms of our children’s difficult behaviors. This list needs to include what it will take to keep us regulated and balanced in order not to slide into a place of internal dysregulation—an emotional hurricane plan.

I encourage you to make a written list of what you need to take care of yourself and how to keep from getting pulled into your child’s vortex of dysregulation during difficult moments. Such a list might include the following:

1. Committing to reading and listening to love-based parenting materials such as my books and my audios each day.
2. Eating properly.
3. Exercising regularly.
4. Using meditation or contemplative prayer daily to calm your nervous system.
5. Listening to your favorite music when you feel yourself slipping into a state of fear.
6. Practicing deep breathing, even when calm and regulated.
7. Using affirmations everyday to keep your mind on track.
8. Promising yourself to leave and take a time out, even when you feel justified in yelling and using controlling measures with your child.
9. Posting notes on your mirror or your refrigerator that will keep you in the right mindset. (something like: “It’s not about me.”)
10. Staying connected with friends or consciously creating a support system so you know you’re never alone.
11. Treat yourself to your favorite dessert or Starbucks once a week—just for you!

This list should be extensive. Identify what works for you. What do you need to be okay? Write down ideas. Don’t be restricted and judgmental…just brainstorm and get ideas on paper. Go back later and modify if needed. When you find yourself swirling in the midst of chaos, you will have a plan in place. You will have logical and rational thinking on paper to turn to when you are stressed and can’t think clearly at the moment.

The more you work to stay regulated, the more you will find yourself with a greater amount of patience, tolerance, and understanding to give to your children. In essence, the more you are in a loving state, the more love you have to give to your child. This is how children get better and this is how you end the negative feedback loops going on in your home.

Time for me to go and treat myself to my favorite dessert for the week! Dr. Pepper, here I come.