This is a tragic story of a single adoptive mother who reached a point of complete overwhelm and hopelessness—way past her window of stress tolerance. If you are not familiar with the news report, here are two links for more information:
This tragic event was blamed on the stress of finances and the economy. While this is truly a factor, it is no coincidence that this horrendous situation happened with an adoptive mother. Here is a mother who over six years ago was happy when her daughters came home but something went wrong.
Many of you reading this blog know exactly what happened. Many of you are saying to yourself, “Yeah, I understand how she got to this point.” And the hair stands up on the back of your neck because it is unnerving as a human being to realize that you actually comprehend and understand what it means to get to such a point.
Raising children with traumatic histories coupled with a parent’s own “unfinished business” is what creates this intense dynamic. All too often, adoptive parents go from a place of utter joy, travel half way around the globe, spend thousands of dollars, endure an invasive adoption process, only to find themselves six years later in a place of utter hopelessness, misery, and despair.
Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way anymore! There is hope. There is a way to make all of this different. I know there is both from personal and professional experience! It takes a new understanding of our children, insight into our own reactions, and support around us to make our way back to love. Putting love into action, free of fear, is the answer. Love never fails!
To me, what is more tragic is the media’s lack of response to do a follow-up story to help prevent history from repeating itself. I made numerous calls this past week to the media explaining that this is my area of expertise and offered to speak with them or even travel for an interview in order to create more understanding behind this news story. As many of you know, there is an entire chapter in my book that is devoted to explaining why parents get so hostile and angry. I also have a research study, published in the Journal of Social Work, explaining the stressors adoptive mothers face when raising children with special needs (You can read this at: http://www.beyondconsequences.com/issues.pdf).
I even called a publicity agency with whom I have been in contact but the reply was that they were too busy with other clients. I was willing to pay someone to help me connect with the media, but to no avail!
My efforts have fallen onto deaf ears, so I am asking you to help me. Would you do that for me? Would you write a letter to the editor of one of the major newspapers in Minneapolis, asking them to consider reporting on more than just the gruesome details of this mother and her children? Could you make some phone calls to news stations? Call Oprah for me. Call Jerry Springer if that is what it takes! Somehow, we have to find a way to break through to the public in order to prevent one more family from falling this far into fear.
Thank you for considering this call to action.